In Africa
by blottedpen23
Summary: A month in Uganda flies none too quickly and somehow that's enough to change the people in it. There were victories, both big and small, but there will always be a new threat lying in the shadows...waiting. They are, after all, in Africa.


Title: In Africa

Characters: Elder Cunningham, Elder McKinley, Elder Price, Ensemble

Rating: Strong PG-13 to M (Chapter Rating on site will be changed accordingly)

Genre: Friendship; Hurt/Comfort; Angst

Ships: Elder Cunningham/Nabulungi; one-sided(?) Elder Price/Elder McKinley

Warning: AU-ish, Mentions of (not really graphic) Violence

Spoilers: The entire musical, perhaps?

Summary:

A month in Africa flies none too quickly and somehow, that's enough to change the people in it: Elder Cunningham managed to do impossible… changing not only the Africans lives, but his own as well; Elder McKinley, ever the observer, takes heed of certain feelings and finally allowed himself to just _be_; while Elder Price, who has accepted the loss of his golden boy status (and with it, a growing sense of self-doubt), learns to be the best friend he promised he'd be. And yet amongst all the victories, both spiritually and emotionally, there always lies a new threat.

They are in _Africa _after all…one cannot be too sure of anyone's safety there.

A/N: This marks as my first foray into The Book of Mormon fan fiction realm and I think it's fitting to make this a multi-chapter story. I must admit that I have yet to see the musical and my only references are the cast recordings, the few videos and Tumblr posts floating around the interwebs…thus characterizations may be slightly off (and I haven't written in a long while and am getting rusty). I must also warn that this is a darker-ish fic than the usual BOM fare. Anyways, hope you'll still enjoy it. A word or two from you guys will be much appreciated though.

Un-betaed as usual (still can't seem find one).

* * *

><p>It's been a month and a half since their official mission had been cancelled; a couple weeks since copies of the Book of Arnold began circulating in the few tribes they've reached and no one is none too happier with their success than Arnold Cunningham.<p>

What he had done was risky…and most probably sacrilegious to the more devout Mormons. Had the Africans rejected his _scripture_, he would have been a dead man.

But he was alive and breathing…so that counts for something.

And he still had _Neutrogena_. There had been a long chat between the two and Arnold was elated when she had forgiven him. He worked hard in earning back the villager's respect as well as regaining the Elders' trust.

The joy that he felt when everyone decided to stay was incomprehensible. Add to that that Elder Price, his companion…his best friend, had stayed _for_ him…Arnold felt like he was already in his own planet. And he still feels the same way as he watches the African Elders converse amongst themselves; doing their daily routines but with his book in hand.

He looks over to the large tree on the right where he finds _JonBonJovi_ and Elder Price with a group of the villagers' children. They're both seated up front on a log and, by the looks of it, teaching the young kids about the Book of Arnold. He sees her wave his way despite having a small child burrowing into her arms. The sight warms him and he smiles. Arnold would like to think that he was lucky to have her. Of all the people she could have given her heart…he was glad that she chose him. Nala was the first (and only) girl to ever see him as himself and neither doubted nor even compared him to the other boys. She loved him and he loved her…and Arnold thinks that that is enough.

He blows a kiss towards her (to which she 'caught') before he allowed his gaze to fall on his companion. Arnold couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Elder Price relaying the verses…complete with wild hand gestures that's apparently been scaring the youngest of the children. It is indeed a sight to behold. He really wasn't banking on anyone to believe him…especially one who knew that he 'lied' a lot. But Elder Price was here and telling the stories with vigor that Arnold knew only he could match.

Arnold remembers the day when the Mission President practically _excommunicated_ them. The look of initial disappointment was enough to send him into a panic (along with the news that _NathanLane_ was about to get her c-clit cut off). But Elder Price gave him the reassurance that everything will be alright. He even said that he was his best friend and that he'd do anything for him. That move alone stunned Arnold. Never in his life did he expect to hear such things from Elder Price. But it worked. The moment Elder Price practically dragged him to confront General _ButtFckinNakd_ and started making his own stuff up made Arnold do something he thought he'd never do. He went up and faced gun toting men…unleashed _fury_…and came out alive.

He'd always been a follower…but Elder Price showed him that he could be so much more.

It really wasn't a secret that Arnold admired Elder Price. Even when they were young little boys, Arnold always held the other in high regard. He didn't know why, but he did. Sometimes, Arnold would think that it's because his own father liked the boy so much. At the dinner table, his dad would be like _'I see you're not doing so well in school. You should be more like that Price kid. He's going to be something, that kid'_. It was always '_Price this…'_ and '_Price that…_.'

Yes, it's definitely that.

Even then, Arnold knew what his father meant so he went up and followed Kevin and tried to do everything and anything the other boy did. And he tried hard. Oh Heavenly Father, did he try…but Arnold found that the life Kevin Price led was just _sooooo_ boring that he simply went back to his action figures instead.

Arnold remembers when he used to sit beside him on a bench during play time but even at a young age, Price was always buried nose deep into the Book of Mormon to ever have time acknowledge him. And Arnold was pretty much too hyper to stay in just one place.

So yeah, they've _met_ before…but it wasn't only until they were partnered together that they really began to talk to one another. And ever since their one fall-out, they've been inseparable.

-o-

Everything really has been going well. Word of the religion reached beyond Uganda and it wasn't long before Africans from other tribes were actually heading up to their village. Africans, both young and old, came…all eager to hear the very prophet who'd written the books they currently read. And the village and the other Elders were all too willing to accommodate them.

The formerly quiet village became a bustling hub of faith, hope, and happiness yet they didn't limit themselves to just staying within the village either. Elders and Sisters have been traveling either north or south with the Book of Arnold in hand, sharing the fourth book to anyone who would listen.

But with good news always comes the bad.

When groups would congregate at the village, there were whispers…they were tiny, yet bursting with worry. Villagers from nearby tribes spoke of another General rampaging across Northern Uganda. They say that this started when General _ButtFckinNakd_ joined the LDS.

The story spreads quickly and reaches the Elders through one of _Nordstrom_'s texts. Fear was a major emotion in the house that night…but not one of them 'turned it off'. They knew what would happen, they thought about what they'd do, but they remained positive. There were precautions taken during the course of the next couple weeks and they were fine.

Life continued on.

It's only when _Neosporin_'s traveling party returned 3 members less that everything started to fall apart.

-o-

Arnold could feel his heart racing as he ran across the village, squeezed himself through the gathering crowd and into the small hut he'd visited every day. He finds Elder Price, Elder McKinley and Sister Kimbe inside. Elder McKinley seemed to be zoning in and out of his own mind, his hands clenched together; Sister Kimbe was holding on to a piece of washcloth for dear life while Elder Price' brows were knitted together in concentration, only for it to ebb away when he sees Arnold crashing in.

"W-where is s-she?" Arnold whips his head around the small area. But when he sees what seems to be blood on the hardened mud, a shiver runs up his spine and made its way to his hands…his feet…his everything.

"I h-heard - wh-what…why…where?"

He's spazzing out and he knew it. It wasn't until he felt Elder Price taking hold of his shoulders and steadied him did Arnold realize that he was _thisclose_ to kissing the ground.

"She's just in there…" Arnold turns his head towards a corner of the hut with a blanket obscuring anyone's view. He was about to go and rip the cloth down but Elder Price merely tightened his grip on him. "They're doing what they can, Elder. Leave them be and the sooner you'll see her."

"But what if she d-" He can't bring himself to say it. He just can't.

"She won't, Elder. And don't you go thinking like that. " Arnold feels a pressure on his shoulders. He raises his eyes and sees the firm kindness his companion is relaying. "Nabulungi is a tough girl…she did, after all, managed you quite nicely."

The taller man gave a small smile and he'd be lying if Arnold didn't say that it isn't working. He could already feel himself slowly relaxing, if only for a bit. It really does help when you've got someone at your back. He'd legitimately thought that if it weren't for Elder Price helping learn the ins and outs of being a good Mormon leader (and just being a good Mormon in general), he'd have combusted from pressure (with him being _the prophet_ and all). So yeah, he's calmed down a little…and he's really trying not to listen to Gotswana and Mr. Hatimbi talk in hushed tones just beyond the makeshift curtain.

Arnold feels himself being dragged to a wood block before he promptly dropped himself on it. He zones out for moments at a time, but he does feel Elder Price slowly crouching down next to him.

It was a long night…but Arnold was glad to know that he wasn't alone.

-o-

_She hasn't woken up yet._

Arnold stomps across the grounds, frustration and worry welling inside him. Ever since it happened, Arnold hadn't cried. But he'd be lying if he said he isn't feeling like doing so now…though the rising anger really does damper the mood.

_They said she'll be fine. But why isn't she awake yet?_

His shaking hands make their way to his head and weaving into his hair. He's already tugging them in irritation but stops when the pain started to get- too painful. It's been 2 days and yet _NextToNormal_ hasn't even stirred.

She got hit by stray bullets. That's what they told him...and now he's been sitting at her bedside for the past couple days. But when the doctor had changed the bandages this morning and all the older man could tell him was that there was no change, Arnold felt like breaking down and crying. He'd never felt this helpless before…surely they had to do something to stop this right?

Arnold paused, thinking hard. But when he found nothing, he let out a loud groan. _Get it together, Arnold!_

Arnold continues pacing around outside, purposely setting each step harder than before. He needed to let go of a few pent up emotions and it wasn't until he tripped and fell face first into the hardened mud did his eyesight return to normal. He quickly stood up, not even bothering to wipe the dirt off him.

"Elder Cunningham!"

Arnold whips his body around to face whoever it was who called him, his limbs and hair flying all over the place. He sees Elder Price jogging toward him.

"What?"

"I've been calling for you. Didn't you hear me?" Elder Price stopped just short of bumping into him, a worried look on his face.

"Uh…no." Arnold tries to keep himself still as he meets the taller man's eyes, sighing. "I'm sorry."

"You alright there, Elder? You just bolted…"

"Nah, m'fine." Arnold draws a hand up his face before waving a dismissive hand. When Elder Price didn't even bother moving, he starts digging his shoes in the ground…lumps of soil flying as he does so.

"She's going to be fine. You know that right?"

Arnold merely shrugs and digs his hands deeper into his trouser pockets, the idea not really sticking. It must have been quite obvious since Elder Price starts inching closer and places a hand on his shoulder.

"You know you could talk to me…maybe we could have that companionship evaluation time?"

Arnold raises his head up and looks straight up to Elder Price' face, his eyes quite unsure. He wanted to talk to his companion…he really did. But ever since not-so-nice thoughts entered his mind which was then followed by his very first spooky Mormon hell dream, he knew no one would understand what he had been planning.

But Elder Price still stood there with an imploring look and Arnold decides to give it a try.

"We should stop this."

"Stop what?"

"This 'General' business." Arnold mumbles. "You know what happened to _Nasonex_ isn't the first one and it certainly will not be the last."

Elder Price takes a moment to process whatever Arnold had said, but once realization dawned on his face, Arnold knew that it was a bad idea to tell him. The hand on his shoulder is gone.

"We can't do that."

"What?" Of all the Elders that could understand, he thought his companion would. He cared about_ Neutral_ as much as he does.

"Whatever you're planning isn't good at all. The guy's got a freakin' army, Elder. We are no match."

"What makes you think-" Arnold tries to defend his thinking but is cut short by a hand returning on his shoulder.

"I listen to you Elder. At night, when you're sleeping and having hell dreams…you_talk_." Arnold looks away from Elder Price, yet he can't help but feel like he needed to give reason. "You talk and what I hear isn't good at all."

"But we could always-"

"No!"

"Why…huh? Why?" Arnold's a little taken aback when Elder Price practically shouted that single word that he's already stuttering his replies. In fact, it caught them both unawares that the taller Elder himself seemed stunned at his own reaction.

"W-we converted General _Butfkingnekd_." Arnold says the name with difficulty but continues on nonetheless. He really needs Elder Price to see that this is the right choice. "We did it before, we can do it again!"

"But this new guy isn't General B-" The shorter man watches as his companion gives an exasperated sigh. "Elder, come on! You know this is a bad idea."

"So you're not gonna do anything?" Arnold can't believe it. His voice rises as he feels every emotion that's been pent up for the past couple days start to boil over. "You would rather have other villagers get killed than do anything?"

Arnold knew that his voice is practically ringing in the ears of anyone within a 10-mile radius but he didn't care. People were getting hurt and no one was doing anything about it…_Nancy_ is still unconscious and people didn't even care. Okay, maybe they did…but it sure didn't look like they did. They couldn't even take her to the hospital miles away because they think that she wouldn't be able to take the trip because they didn't have any transportation! Any means they used to have left with the Mission President. Now, all they could do is wait. Arnold's pissed and he didn't care who knew…he is just so angry that his mind is reeling and his mouth is spouting a hundred words-per-minute that he didn't see Elder Price is already starting to back down.

"I-I didn't mean it that way."

"Sure sounded like it to me!" Arnold was fuming but he kept talking anyways. He needed to vent...and he didn't care if he had a million hell dreams for it. He needed to talk...bottling emotion in has been quite taxing for him...and frankly, he's just not used to it. He got so caught up, he didn't even hear Elder Price give a resigned sigh.

"Just come back inside will you? It's hot out here…" The plea in the taller man's attempt to change the topic at hand goes right by Arnold because all he hears-all he sees is someone unwilling to do anything.

"You don't get it do you? What if you have someone you love be threatened or even hurt…wouldn't you do everything on your power to keep them safe?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Then we can go up to the general and just tell him to back off…maybe pull a few punches here and there…the Africans can do that…and we'll just be at the side cheering them on, or we could join in! Even the hobbits knew how to kick some butt…and they had swords on them too! Except we don't…but we do have books. We could hit them on the head with 'em and knock some sense into them!"

Arnold's babbling but he's convinced. His plan is practically flawless. _Why can't Elder Price can see that?_

There is now a hopeful look on Arnold's face but it quickly drops to a frown when he sees that his companion…his best friend is looking anything but.

"There's no need to confront a warlord, Elder Cunningham. It doesn't always end well…trust me, I know."

The frown turns to a scowl and Arnold's already regretting what he said the moment the words left his mouth.

"Uh huh…says the person who has done equivalent to pretty much nothing!"

The last word rings across the open space and Arnold's own hand flies to his mouth.

_I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean to say that. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I didn't mean that. Oh Jesus, Elder Price…I'm sorry._

His babbling apology goes unheard…he isn't saying them out loud. His mouth is ajar yet his hand is firmly clamped over it. Arnold desperately wanted to but finds that he can't. He shuts his eyes tight and waits for any physical blow (in his mind, he deserves it. _How could he?_) But it never comes.

When he does open his eyes, Arnold feels all the more frightened when he sees Elder Price standing straight as a board, his jaw set, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. But what terrified Arnold more was how unfocused his companion's eyes were…how he was practically blinking back tears.

He'd hit a sore spot and Arnold knew. He just wished he could take everything back.

"Elder-" Arnold moves a hand but stops when Elder Price makes a tiny but firm move of the head.

Arnold wanted to apologize real bad…he was already taking a big breath to apologize whether Elder Price wanted it or not, but just as he was about to…he hears someone calling his name…someone mentioning _NorthKorea_. And before he knew it, Arnold could already feel his feet shuffling. He tried to meet Elder Price' eyes, give him time to apologize then, but the attempt is futile…the other is already staring straight ahead, his gaze unwilling to falter.

So Arnold drops his shoulders, turns and follows the villager back to the hut with his head down. The walk back isn't even a long one yet he feels like his feet are made of lead that by the time he sees the inside of the hut, he's panting.

Thank goodness that Mafala's there to guide him to the chair by _Nicotine_'s bed or he would have been on the ground. When he finally calmed himself enough to ask what happened (hoping and pleading would be more accurate), he's dealt with a final blow…

"Nabulungi is getting worse."

The doctor said a few more words like 'fever' and 'infection' but Arnold didn't listen. He merely grasped _Narsil's_ hand and prayed the hardest he had in his life.

He stays a couple more hours at her bedside before Mafala shoos him out. Arnold takes Nabulungi's hand and places a gentle kiss before he stands and leaves, knocking over the chair he just vacated. The walk to Mission HQ was a long one despite it being less than a mile away. And even when the sun hadn't started to set, Arnold made ready for bed. Not even the insistent knocking from Elders Thomas and Neeley for dinner could make him get out of bed. Instead, he turns to his side and curls into a ball…only then does he see the empty bed next to him and somehow, everything that had happened came rushing back in a flood of jumbled scenes. But it is enough to make his chest tighten and make his eyes prickle with tears he had yet to shed.

* * *

><p>Life for Elder McKinley has since gotten better when Elder Price and Elder Cunningham arrived just weeks ago. There was a shake-up (of more ways than one), yes, but in the end everything turned out alright. With the new book, they were able to get more converts than ever before and even when he himself would scoff at some of the new testaments, Connor can't help but admit that it has done a lot of good for both the Elders and the Africans. But with the change came a shift in the dynamics between Elder Price and Elder Cunningham. He admired the way Ke—Elder Price slipped back to let Elder Cunningham lead, and the latter seemed to get the hang of it fine until that morning.<p>

Connor remembers the devastated look on Elder Cunningham's face when he first set his eyes on Nabulungi. Her traveling party had been ambushed by another guerilla group who was displeased at the growing number of Latter Days Saints in Uganda. They say this crowd's far worse than General ButtFuckingNaked's…and that's already saying something. Unrest is brewing amongst the villagers. And it's fairly understandable…there were 3 casualties that day. The villagers say Nabulungi got lucky. _And should remain so_, Connor thinks. She's far too young and full of life. She really was the light to Elder Cunningham's fire.

But as he watches Elder Cunningham storm out the hut and into the unrelenting African heat, Connor sees the usually disheveled form even more unkempt than before. His shirt is no where crisp and is completely untucked…even his hair seemed unruly than before. The slightly younger man was a mess…even after 2 days, he's still a mess.

Connor's relieved when Elder Price had followed his companion out into the sun, pulling the shorter man aside in hopes of calming him. But as he watches the conversation unravel from afar, Connor sighs in defeat when he realizes that the conversation's escalating into yelling. Even when he's a good distance away, Connor could still make out what was being said. It was a miracle no one was paying attention to them. He feels awful listening in…Elder Price has a point, but Elder Cunningham had one too, albeit a little misguided. But if they do nothing, the General would continue his rampage and they'll all be back to where they started.

_Zero_

_Zip_

_Nil_

"…nothing!"

The exclamation snaps Connor back to the two and what he sees is not good. There is a distance between them now…palpable and evident. He watches as Elder Cunningham's face contorts behind a hand; his round figure uncharacteristically still.

And suddenly it feels like he's watching a silent movie, like the ones his parents used to watch. Sure, the everyday sounds of clucking chicken and African chatter are still there, but they seem muted as the silence between the two people he now regards as friends grows. There's a beat before the sounds come roaring back to life, but Connor knows that the damage had been done. He couldn't help but keep his jaw set lest he wants it to drop. And it's only when he sees Elder Cunningham gesturing hesitantly that he notices Elder Price is pulling back ever so subtly.

Moments later, Connor feels a villager run past him and towards the two Elders. It must have been something about Nabulungi because Elder Cunningham is already shuffling his way. Connor straightens up when Elder Cunningham nears and it is at this distance does he see the younger man's glistening eyes. Connor tries to meet his eye but the shorter Elder seems he's keen on hiding everything as much as possible. He manages to send a questioning look to the villager but all he gets is a resigned shrug of the shoulders. Whatever the news was it, definitely wouldn't have been good. Connor is tempted to follow suit but one glance back to Elder Price told him to stay.

And with a small huff, Connor takes one step forward.

It's a complicated thing…what he and Elder Price have. Weeks ago, he would have been the last to admit to having certain feelings but ever since the supposed Mormon superstar arrived, his hell dreams have become much worse. The night when Elder Price walked away from them was the worst one of all. He Connor wanted to slap himself on the face when he'd tried to stop Elder Cunningham from going after him. He could_should_ have thrown the proverbial rule book out the window…but he didn't. He was already breaking rules just by his thoughts…he didn't need another spooky Mormon hell dream for the nights to come. He was glad that Elder Cunningham still went after his companion though.

But when the shorter man came back alone, the worry grew and the hell dreams were nearly unbearable. Anything could have happened to Kev-_Elder Price_. He could have been killed wandering out alone…in the dark…in Africa no less!

Worry was gnawing on his insides that he nearly cried in joy when they'd found him the next morning. Connor wanted to just grab him and never let go. And he would have had Elder Cunningham not returned with the good news they desperately needed at the time. And it was just like 'that', the District Leader mindset came into the foreground…and every emotion and every remnant of those hell dreams got pushed back.

But ever since they started learning and sharing The Book of Arnold more, the dreams have lessened…but the intensity remains. Now though, it isn't about him being gay. He has come to terms with that (and thankfully, the few Elders he's told have no problem with it at all). The dreams that haunt him now are the ones about him finally expressing his feelings, being out and free, only to be rejected by the one man he loves.

_Loves_

Connor stops in his tracks and a small dust cloud forms at his feet. This grabs Elder Price' attention and Connor had to stop himself from squirming when he sees familiar eyes staring back, a glistening sheen barely hiding the tinge of sadness in those brown orbs. And as quickly as it happened, Elder Price looks away as he brings a hand up, pushing back non-existent stray hairs on his perfectly gelled head.

"What can I do for you, Elder McKinley?"

A million thoughts run through Connor's mind as he hears a slight crack in Elder-_Kevin's_ voice. _Let me hold you? Let me touch you? Let me tell you 'I love you' and say that you love me too?_ Connor wants to say all these but all he manages to come up with is a pat on the arm. He feels pathetic when he sees Kevin's confused look…yet he gestures to the shade and hopes that the other man will be right behind.

Connor lets out a small sigh of relief when he finds Kevin had indeed followed him. He stands his ground as the taller man steps just beyond his reach.

"Elder Cunningham didn't mean what he said."

"Yes. Yes, he did."

"He's just scared for Nabulungi, that's all."

"That doesn't make it any less true."

"He didn't mean it, Elder Price." Connor tried to put emphasis on his words, but they still seem to fly over Kevin's head. But before the other could finish a word in reply, Connor cuts him off…exasperation clear in his voice.

"No. He. Didn't."

Kevin's head snaps up while Connor bites his lip, realizing that it came out harsher than necessary.

"You seriously think that you're useless?" Connor asks, incredulous. _Surely, Kevin didn't think so lowly of himself…_

A minute nod gives away his response and Connor's heart drops. A hand instinctively leaves his side, hesitantly reaching between them but he stops himself all the same.

"I have done nothing since I came here, Elder McKinley." He hears Kevin sigh. "I'm happy for what Elder Cunningham has achieved…I really am. It's just that- "

"I sit here every day and I'm watching you all work. And I know I should be with Elder Cunningham, but I do see you and the other Elders. At least you contribute something. I, on the other hand…" Kevin shrugs as his hands gestures 'emptiness'. "It's just that every time I'm with Elder Cunningham, I can't help but feel worthless. I've converted no one, nor have I done any baptisms…"

"It's a collective effort, Elder Price. It always has been. The success of one is the success of all." Connor cuts him off right there. This isn't the Kevin Price he's come to know. "And don't you go on about accomplishing nothing. You being here is already something."

"You had the chance to leave us, Elder. But you stayed." Connor steps forward to prove his point. "You didn't run out on any of us and I'll have you know that none of us will abandon you either."

He hears Kevin's resigned sigh. This time Connor finds it in himself to take hold of Kevin's hand. But even before he could get any other word out, Kevin pulls away…stands up and excuses himself. Connor tries hard to quell the bubbling in his chest as he watches his retreating back.

His body stands motionless, even his breathing seemed to stop short… yet Connor is still manages to bring up a quivering hand and simply turns. this. off.

* * *

><p>Kevin stares ahead.<p>

It's the only thing he could do because he knows that if he looks down to his companion, he wouldn't be able to stay angry anymore. He'll forgive him in a heartbeat.

Either way, it was a low blow.

_Says the person who has done pretty much done nothing._

The line loops around in his head, seemingly getting louder and louder with each repetition. It's as if it was taunting him…mocking him; and hearing it over and over again in Elder Cunningham's accusatory tone made it hurt more than it should have.

Kevin watches Elder Cunningham's retreating back with a vacant stare but it isn't long before a scowl makes its way on his face. _I was only trying to help. Why can't he understand that? _

He didn't realize just how angry it made him…that blasted line is still echoing in his ear; Kevin could already feel his nails digging into the palms of his hands.

But somehow, the feeling is fleeting. It's gone the moment the last word resonated within his mind and that he, Elder Price, Mormon Superstar, had done nothing. His ire is quickly reduced to humiliation and Kevin feels his cheeks reddening…his eyes stinging.

Indeed, what does he have to show for?

He swooped into Uganda thinking that he could change the world. Instead, he saw a man get shot in the face, baptized no one, got kicked in the butt by General ButtFuckingNaked. But even after all that, he stayed. He stayed to do something incredible…he stayed and ended up baby-sitting a bunch of African children as his fellow Elders and Sisters were going off, spreading the Book of Arnold…doing what he was supposedly doing.

Kevin can't help but feel envious, but he hadn't realized just how useless he's become until Elder Cunningham pointed it out to him.

And Kevin isn't used to feeling useless. He was always _that_ kid…the one who'll be making a difference; not the one who sits on a rotting log and reads to kids every day.

He was the poster-boy Missionary…until now.

Ever since he was a child, his parents had groomed him to become the perfect Mormon. Even before he knew how to walk, Kevin already had a strict set of rules to follow. And the rules just piled on and on as he grew older that by the time he was 11, Kevin Price _nearly_ forgot how to have fun. 'Nearly' being the operative word considering that he'd been tucking that precious memory of a family trip to Florida in the back of his mind, pulling it out from the recesses of his psyche once in a while. It reminded him of why he was working…of why he put himself through hours and hours of extra lessons and community work.

Kevin had tried to convince himself that he was doing it for his family…to make them proud. But after everything that he's been through, he found that he'd been deluding himself all this time. His parents loved him, Kevin was sure of that…but he remembered just how sad and lonely his life had been. No matter the goal, the kind of pressure he had been under should never fall unto any child at all.

And this is why he's been working hard in this life so he could have his own celestial body. _Planet Orlando. _

Because that one trip to Florida really was only when he remembered how it was to be happy, to be carefree…Orlando was key to the childhood he never really had.

But from the moment he failed his duties as a Missionary, Kevin started to find it difficult to continue on as all his efforts continue to go down the drain. Watching his best friend do something incredible is awesome…but to continue to watch and sit at the side-lines all the time is another thing. Sure, he kept up a brave face for his companion (and Elder Cunningham certainly deserved it), the Elders and the Africans but sometimes he finds asking himself on why he keeps on trying.

He's drawn out of his reverie when, at the corner of his eye, he sees Elder McKinley make his way to him. Kevin quickly composes himself as the other draws nearer; but despite greeting him and giving a small smile, Kevin knows his mind's not exactly where it's supposed to be.

He barely even remembers whatever conversation they had or how he'd end up in the HQ kitchen. The last thing he remembers is the scorching heat at the back of his neck as he watched Elder Cunningham walk back to the hut as well as greeting Elder McKinley. But beyond that, his memory is choppy especially on certain specific points. The only thing he was certain of is that he talked a whole lot when he was with the district leader.

As he sits on a stool, Kevin tries to recall pieces of the conversation. But after a few minutes, he comes up with only a snippet of Elder McKinley trying to convince him about something. It must have something that apparently he didn't believe because if he had, he would have been able to remember.

He sits still for a few minutes more until he allows himself to slouch down onto the table, exhaustion he hadn't remembered finally setting in on his bones; he stays down until he can feel himself breath normally again.

When he finally feels like he's okay, Kevin looks up from his hands, his gaze falling to a clock that reads 3pm before letting his eyes scan the room. He sighs when he realizes that most of the Elders were probably still making their way back from their designated villages. But the sight of the still empty room makes him realize how he's completely all alone.

The silence isn't as deafening as some people say…but Kevin does wonder as to when he got used to it.

But it didn't matter. At least, not anymore.

He feels his hand making its way to his left trouser pocket, his fingers graze onto something metal and cold and a small wave of relief spreads through. This wasn't exactly a recent thing…he'd done it once before. It should have ended there but Kevin found himself going back at it a few weeks back…he couldn't help but admit that it indeed helps. It helped with the loneliness and it helps him (to some extent) forget…

So he allows his fingers linger for a moment, let's the thought of taking it out pass his mind before shaking the idea out his mind.

Kevin promised himself that he'd never do it here…it's too risky. The smell would permeate the air and it'll remain there no matter what he did. So he'll save it for later tonight, when everybody is all asleep…when he'd have all the time he wanted.

It certainly is not the best coping mechanism…but it is his.

He drops his hand on his lap as he looks up once more at the clock. It's been nearly an hour since he first took note of the time.

_They should have been here by now._

Kevin turns to the door, keeping his eyes trained on it 'til his eyes prickled…willing it to open and reveal his fellow Elders. But alas, he finds no one.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, he hears Elder McKinley in his head.

…_none of us will abandon you…_

Kevin's unsure if it had been a real part of their conversation earlier in the day or it was simply a figment of his imagination…his mind starting to make things up to combat the silence in his head and in the room. But it doesn't change anything; the door is still closed, he is still alone in the room and the clock continues on ticking.

So with one last look at the door, Kevin Price stood from where he sat and made for the back door. It's clear that ever since his 'downfall' and his subsequent 'resignation', everyone was too eager to shift their focus onto somebody else despite his numerous attempts at reaching out to his fellow Elders.

It is such a selfish thing to say, but that's how he feels. He just wishes that sometimes someone would say that he was still needed…that he still mattered because right now, Kevin can't help but wonder why he stayed at all.


End file.
